April 27, 2021
Ron Obvious, Staff Writer
Atlanta Urinal Constipation
[April 27, 2021 - Atlanta, Ga, 12:30pm EST] Bowing to pressure from the local community at GTSwarm, today Dr. Rochelle Walenski held a press conference updating the CDC's official guidance on mask wearing.
“Americans who are fully vaccinated against the coronavirus no longer need to wear masks outdoors if they’re walking, running, hiking or biking alone," she began. TVs all throughout the metro area were immediately destroyed as viewers began throwing things at the screens.
"Nobody had to wear masks outdoors while alone outdoors in the first place. There is literally no evidence of any transmission from doing that, and they've said so themselves. I have no idea what they're doing down there on Clifton [the street is typically referenced when referring to their headquarters]," replied Keith Myath, long time Atlanta resident and GTSwarm member.
Indeed, the famous (or infamous depending on who you ask) Dr. Anthony Fauci appeared on TV today stating, "there has never been any evidence of transmission of the virus while alone outdoors, so we feel quite comfortable at this point allowing vaccinated people to stop wearing masks in those situations." Eileen Dover, a reporter with CBS immediately asked a quite astute follow up question, "If you've never seen any evidence of transmission in those circumstances, then why do unvaccinated people have to continue wearing masks while alone outdoors?" Dr. Fauci responded, "Look, our job is to follow the dater. And while the dater currently says there is zero risk, we aren't sure if somewhere in the world at some point in the next 100 years if 1 single person somewhere might pick up the disease. So we will keep following the dater, and will update our guidance as appropriate." The rest of the press nodded furiously and emailed Dr. Fauci love letters.
A local CDC critic who is a frequent interview guest of mine, Ben Dover (who also is partner in local personal injury firm Ben Dover & C. Howitt Fields) suggested the CDC headquarters be blown up and burned to the ground. "Honestly, what value are they really providing to this country?" When asked about what several thousand unemployed people would then do to support their families, "Why don't we dress them all up as clowns and build a huge clown-themed amusement park where the CDC headquarters used to be." Seems apropos given their lack of science-based leadership and guidance over the last year if you ask me.
www.cdc.gov
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