Ted Roof, broseph. The answer will always be Ted Roof.
Two of our DBs let an INT go through their hands and the other team ends up with the ball? Ted's fault.
DBs lining up 12 yards off a WR on 3rd and 2? Ted f'ing Roof.
Special teams problems? Roof...
Our QB not making the pitch? Ol' Teddy...
CPJ's headset not working? The Roof man...
Publix running out of Mayfield ice cream? Teddy Roofsky...
Publix ran out of ... oh, you're kidding ... right? Please say you're kidding.