Geeze, already time for a coup.
Since I'm thoroughly unqualified for HC, and wouldn't have my email acknowledged by TStan if I did seek the position, I am appointing myself Head Coach for Life. Sure, it's a dictator-ish approach, but with a touch of whimsy and (I hope) very little bloodshed. The tanks will be rolling up the Edge Center any minute now. (TStan being out of town, Edge Center defenses aren't expecting anything.)
You folks are gonna love the warp-speed single wing offense the first couple of years, but fear not -- in the meantime I'll be working on the next disruptive college offense: 9 "athletes" and two "elephants/road graders" doing a freestyle multiple lateral rubgy-style thing. Natty in 2021, truth.
The defense will take a little getting used to, as well, what with plenty of 9- and 10-man blitzes. Though we'll have some 1-7-3 and 2-8-1 packages, too.
And just for kicks, the "two level" 5-5-1 will be unleashed occasionally, the "1" be a safety about 25-28 yards back as the ultimate failsafe. Again: You'll love it.
As a bonus for special teams entertainment, almost all kickoff returns will be of the "starburst" variety.
Not that you'll get to enjoy it often, what with our new ultra-aggressive defense knocking so many opposing QBs out of games and ultimately far fewer kickoffs to return.
Again: You'll love it. Or you will be reeducated until you do.
You may now return to the regularly scheduled anarchy of the current faux search for the next Tech head coach.