Funny Stuff

Animal02

Banned
Messages
6,269
Location
Southeastern Michigan
Apparently these are available at Publix in FLA.
69560286_2439971786086606_1252354850822291456_n.jpg
 
Supersizethatorder-mutt

Supersizethatorder-mutt

Banned
Messages
13,443
Location
Augusta, GA
A young Arkie goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all of his money on his girlfriend - he calls home.
"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here at Hendrix that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!”
"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?” "Just send him over here with $1,000" the young Arkie says, "and I'll get him in the course." So, his Father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home. "So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his Father asks. "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!” "Read!?" says his Father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?” "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class.”

The money promptly arrives. The Arkie and his girlfriend are able to buy enough marijuana to last the whole semester. But, our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his Father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. Even though he was always pretty much able to lie his way out of trouble, the Arkie asked his girlfriend to help him think of a really good lie to tell his Dad. She very quickly came up with a plan for him.

So, she has him shoot the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his Father is all excited. "Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!” "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does”. "Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so - is your Daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?”

The Father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that lying dog before he talks to your Mother!”

"I sure did, Daddy!

"That's my boy!”


"The kid married his girlfriend, they both went on to law school, he became Governor of Arkansas and President of the United States, and you already know what a liar his girlfriend turned out to be!
 
Supersizethatorder-mutt

Supersizethatorder-mutt

Banned
Messages
13,443
Location
Augusta, GA
A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!"
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me."
The man smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am, replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."
 
Top