Lol. No, I'm quite serious. The explanation is pretty easy actually. Most of the middle-to-upper tier TP is made up heavily of Eucalyptus pulp. That comes from South America. There was a serious shipping container shortage already, and the cluster in the Suez put a lot of containers on the water for a few weeks longer than expected. Now the shortage of containers is severe, and the Euc pulp can't get to the US. The price of domestic pulp that might be able to substitute has tripled in a week. And there's not enough of it...no one wants a pulp mill in their backyard in the US so who'd building them these days?
So most people in the industry are expecting some shortages that shut down tissue mills. Like most of our supply chain, it's pretty tightly balanced so it won't take much before there are empty shelves. Not a guarantee we'll see empty shelves, but as I told my friends...if I'm wrong it only means that you have an extra 24 pack of TP in the cupboard for a few weeks.