Home
Articles
Photos
Interviews
Forums
New posts
Search forums
Georgia Tech Recruiting
Dashboard
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Chat
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Home
Forums
General Topics
The Swarm Lounge
Funny Stuff
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Animal02" data-source="post: 608728" data-attributes="member: 347"><p>I pass out these at job meetings.</p><p></p><p>ARCHITECTURAL SPECIFICATIONS</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>PLANS AND SPECIFICATIONS: The Plans and Specifications are without error</p><p></p><p>and agree in every detail. Any apparent contradiction between them claimed</p><p></p><p>by the Contractor shall be taken as evidence of bad faith on the part of the</p><p></p><p>Contractor. In case of disagreement as to the Architect's intent due to</p><p></p><p>alleged disagreement between the Plans and Specifications, the Project shall</p><p></p><p>be built both ways and the additional cost shall be born by the Contractor.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>CHANGED CONDITIONS: Subsurface conditions differing from those shown on the</p><p></p><p>Drawings, and any change in the nature of the Work, shall be viewed as bad</p><p></p><p>management on the part of the Contractor and appropriate penalties shall be</p><p></p><p>assessed.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>INSPECTION: Armed inspectors will be present at all times to enforce the</p><p></p><p>wishes of the Architect.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>VISITORS: All visitors shall be given access to the Project and shall be</p><p></p><p>allowed to participate fully in supervision of the Contractor's forces and</p><p></p><p>operation of his equipment.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>ACTS OF GOD: Acts of the Architect shall be considered Acts of God and</p><p></p><p>shall not be questioned.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>CATASTROPHES: Any and all catastrophes which befall the Contractor during</p><p></p><p>execution of the Work shall be satisfactory to the Architect.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>ABSENTEEISM: Should the Architect or any of his staff be absent from the</p><p></p><p>job site for an extended period, the Contractor shall send flowers and</p><p></p><p>inspirational messages at the rate shown on the bid schedule. At such times</p><p></p><p>as the Architect or any of his staff returns to the job site, a ceremony</p><p></p><p>appropriate to the occasion shall be arranged by the Contractor.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>PAYMENT: Payment for completed work will be made at the end of the calendar</p><p></p><p>month; the calendar month to be as selected by the Architect. It is agreed</p><p></p><p>that the Architect's personal checks shall be cashed by the Contractor in a</p><p></p><p>gracious spirit.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>ARBITRATION: Disputes which cannot be settled to the satisfaction of the</p><p></p><p>Architect and his staff shall be submitted to a board of arbitration</p><p></p><p>consisting of the Architect and his staff.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>OBJECTIONS: Objections by the Contractor, herein aforesaid, are</p><p></p><p>inadmissible by the terms of this Contract and shall be considered ipso</p><p></p><p>facto, quid pro quo, and hic haec hoc. The Contractor shall have no lawyers</p><p></p><p>or lawyer-like people in his employ and shall hire none until the Statute of</p><p></p><p>Limitations can be applied to the Project herein described.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>DEFINITION OF TERMS: Terms shall be as defined by the Architect to suit the</p><p></p><p>Architect. Exhibition by the Contractor of dictionaries refuting the</p><p></p><p>Architect shall be considered flagrant violations of proper deportment.</p><p></p><p></p><p>SUPPLEMENTAL CONSTRUCTION DEFINITIONS</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>CONTRACTOR - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>ARCHITECT - The one who knows the secrets that the Contractor tries to</p><p></p><p>discover.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>ENGINEER - The one the Architect gets to blame when the Project doesn't</p><p></p><p>work properly.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>SUBCONTRACTOR - The one the Contractor gets to blame when the Project</p><p></p><p>doesn't work properly.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>OWNER - One who orders dinner without looking at the menu. The one who</p><p></p><p>pays for whatever the Architect and the Contractor decided to serve him.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>BUILDING INSPECTOR - A former Contractor smart enough to get into another</p><p></p><p>line of work. Someone who changes ends in a tug-of-war.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>PROJECT MANAGER - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is</p><p></p><p>in a different union.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>SUPERINTENDENT - The Contractor's hired assassin.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>BID - A wild-assed guess carried out to two decimal places.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>BID OPENING - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>LOW BIDDER - A Contractor who is wondering what he left out.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>ARCHITECT'S ESTIMATE - The cost of construction in heaven.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>PLANS - The Contractor's peek at the Architect's secret.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>SPECIFICATIONS - The stick used by the Architect to whip the Contractor</p><p></p><p>whenever the Contractor makes a wrong guess about the Architect's secret.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>RFI - The Contractor's request for a hint about the Architect's secret.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>PROJECT - A Coliseum in which the Owner is the Christian and the Contractor</p><p></p><p>and Architect do battle to see who will be the lion.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>ARCHITECT'S APPROVAL - The coin toss that occurs after the game has begun.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>CRITICAL PATH METHOD - A management technique for loosing your shirt under</p><p></p><p>perfect control.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>CONTRACTOR'S SCHEDULE - Comic relief in a play about construction.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>CHANGE ORDER - The Contractor's chance to win the lottery.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>DRAW REQUEST - The Contractor's attempt to grab the pot and run before the</p><p></p><p>last hand is played.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print,</p><p></p><p>red tape, split hairs and baloney -- usually applied at random with a shotgun.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>LAY-OFF - An event that usually occurs just before holidays or immediately</p><p></p><p>after buying a big-ticket item on time.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>UNION - A group of pseudo-economists who believe that income should</p><p></p><p>increase directly proportionate to decline in productivity.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>STRIKE - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>DELAYED PAYMENT - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>SUBSTANTIAL COMPLETION - The date upon which the Architect gives up.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>LIQUIDATED DAMAGES - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>COMPLETION DATE - The point at which liquidated damages begin.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>WARRANTY EXPIRATION DATE - The point in time after which everything ceases</p><p></p><p>to work.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>AUDITOR - People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>LAWYER - People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Animal02, post: 608728, member: 347"] I pass out these at job meetings. ARCHITECTURAL SPECIFICATIONS PLANS AND SPECIFICATIONS: The Plans and Specifications are without error and agree in every detail. Any apparent contradiction between them claimed by the Contractor shall be taken as evidence of bad faith on the part of the Contractor. In case of disagreement as to the Architect's intent due to alleged disagreement between the Plans and Specifications, the Project shall be built both ways and the additional cost shall be born by the Contractor. CHANGED CONDITIONS: Subsurface conditions differing from those shown on the Drawings, and any change in the nature of the Work, shall be viewed as bad management on the part of the Contractor and appropriate penalties shall be assessed. INSPECTION: Armed inspectors will be present at all times to enforce the wishes of the Architect. VISITORS: All visitors shall be given access to the Project and shall be allowed to participate fully in supervision of the Contractor's forces and operation of his equipment. ACTS OF GOD: Acts of the Architect shall be considered Acts of God and shall not be questioned. CATASTROPHES: Any and all catastrophes which befall the Contractor during execution of the Work shall be satisfactory to the Architect. ABSENTEEISM: Should the Architect or any of his staff be absent from the job site for an extended period, the Contractor shall send flowers and inspirational messages at the rate shown on the bid schedule. At such times as the Architect or any of his staff returns to the job site, a ceremony appropriate to the occasion shall be arranged by the Contractor. PAYMENT: Payment for completed work will be made at the end of the calendar month; the calendar month to be as selected by the Architect. It is agreed that the Architect's personal checks shall be cashed by the Contractor in a gracious spirit. ARBITRATION: Disputes which cannot be settled to the satisfaction of the Architect and his staff shall be submitted to a board of arbitration consisting of the Architect and his staff. OBJECTIONS: Objections by the Contractor, herein aforesaid, are inadmissible by the terms of this Contract and shall be considered ipso facto, quid pro quo, and hic haec hoc. The Contractor shall have no lawyers or lawyer-like people in his employ and shall hire none until the Statute of Limitations can be applied to the Project herein described. DEFINITION OF TERMS: Terms shall be as defined by the Architect to suit the Architect. Exhibition by the Contractor of dictionaries refuting the Architect shall be considered flagrant violations of proper deportment. SUPPLEMENTAL CONSTRUCTION DEFINITIONS CONTRACTOR - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal. ARCHITECT - The one who knows the secrets that the Contractor tries to discover. ENGINEER - The one the Architect gets to blame when the Project doesn't work properly. SUBCONTRACTOR - The one the Contractor gets to blame when the Project doesn't work properly. OWNER - One who orders dinner without looking at the menu. The one who pays for whatever the Architect and the Contractor decided to serve him. BUILDING INSPECTOR - A former Contractor smart enough to get into another line of work. Someone who changes ends in a tug-of-war. PROJECT MANAGER - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union. SUPERINTENDENT - The Contractor's hired assassin. BID - A wild-assed guess carried out to two decimal places. BID OPENING - A poker game in which the losing hand wins. LOW BIDDER - A Contractor who is wondering what he left out. ARCHITECT'S ESTIMATE - The cost of construction in heaven. PLANS - The Contractor's peek at the Architect's secret. SPECIFICATIONS - The stick used by the Architect to whip the Contractor whenever the Contractor makes a wrong guess about the Architect's secret. RFI - The Contractor's request for a hint about the Architect's secret. PROJECT - A Coliseum in which the Owner is the Christian and the Contractor and Architect do battle to see who will be the lion. ARCHITECT'S APPROVAL - The coin toss that occurs after the game has begun. CRITICAL PATH METHOD - A management technique for loosing your shirt under perfect control. CONTRACTOR'S SCHEDULE - Comic relief in a play about construction. CHANGE ORDER - The Contractor's chance to win the lottery. DRAW REQUEST - The Contractor's attempt to grab the pot and run before the last hand is played. OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney -- usually applied at random with a shotgun. LAY-OFF - An event that usually occurs just before holidays or immediately after buying a big-ticket item on time. UNION - A group of pseudo-economists who believe that income should increase directly proportionate to decline in productivity. STRIKE - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken. DELAYED PAYMENT - A tourniquet applied at the pockets. SUBSTANTIAL COMPLETION - The date upon which the Architect gives up. LIQUIDATED DAMAGES - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible. COMPLETION DATE - The point at which liquidated damages begin. WARRANTY EXPIRATION DATE - The point in time after which everything ceases to work. AUDITOR - People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded. LAWYER - People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Who made "The Leap" to defeat u(sic)GA in COFH 2016?
Post reply
Home
Forums
General Topics
The Swarm Lounge
Funny Stuff
This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
Accept
Learn more…
Top